But these things were not bad in my eyes. Mine was a normal life; these were just the kind of things that happen to everyone. The ‘messed up’ part of my life was the drunkeness, the loneliness, and especially the hateful-ness. I was mean and ugly with everyone. I covered up all my desperation in drinking, working, clubbing, partying - you name it, I tried it. So when the latest boyfriend offered to get a house together, I said “Great. Now I have someone to help pay the bills.” It was con-venient, and it didn’t matter (or so I thought) that I was still married. My relationship with this man was worse than my marriage, and the playing house ‘fun’ quickly ended. We were just two drunks con-stantly fighting, making each other and our kids miserable. The drinking wasn’t helping anymore, it was only re-minding me of the rejection and the hatefulness I was feeling inside. I began to have anxiety attacks, most of the time passing out in front of my kids. My boyfriend hated what I had become, and I couldn’t stand him anymore. At this point, even my son hated me. I kept getting called into his school because he couldn’t get along with others in kindergarten, and because he often talked about ending his life, they said per-haps I should seek psycho-logical help for him. Right away I thought of a better idea - I would let him go stay with his dad - that way I didn’t have to hassle with him anymore; I had my own other problems. Until one day he actually took a run for a busy street hoping to get hit by a bus so he could die! That was it! I couldn’t take anymore. My boss saw what I was going through and he began to tell me that there was hope in Jesus, and that Jesus could help me and my son, and that the love of Jesus was true and faithful. I began to tell him I go the the catholic church, and I had been coaching for the CYO, but church didn’t do anything for me. He said I didn’t need church, I needed a relation-ship with Jesus Christ, and that Jesus could be my savior. To be honest, I still resisted. Day in and day out he began to really preach to me out of the Bible, things of my life and my past, and that I was living in something called ‘sin’, and that’s why I was going through all this. I thought, does Jesus know that I’m still married, and what does he care? But he told me Jesus did care, and He knew how dirty and filthy I was feeling. He knew that I felt like a failure as a wife, and especially as a mother. I grew up in a broken home, so my whole life I longed for the love of a family, and here I couldn’t even love my kids when they needed me. I finally surrendered to Jesus, asked Him to forgive me of everything, and to please come into my heart and show me how to love my kids and not be so miserable. He answered my prayer. My life is now fulfilled, I have full custody of my kids, and I’m not going crazy. My son is now 19 years old and he loves Jesus and me very much. God has made it possible for us to have our own home again, and for me to have my own business and spend more time with my kids. We have new lives and the unconditional love of Jesus; we are no longer rejected. I thank God for a second life. He can give you a new life too, if you will start a relationship with Jesus today.
Metamorphosis... (as when a Caterpillar changes into a Butterfly)
- My name is Lupe Guajardo and I gave my life to Jesus nearly twelve years ago. Before receiving Jesus as my savior I was just another young mother of two boys, going through a bad divorce, a custody battle, and living with a man who wasn’t my husband.